For some reason, when I tried to play Minecraft today, it won't even let me launch ANY version of Minecraft whatsoever. Just gives me "Game Crashed, Exit Code 0" and nothing further. 

I have tried SO many things to get this to work, and I can't believe nothing works.

I've tried:

1. Running Minecraft in Compatibility mode (both in Windows 8 and Windows Vista, neither work)
2. Running Minecraft as an Administrator
3. Uninstalling Java and Minecraft completely, shutting my computer off totally, and then rebooting.
4. I have both versions of Java installed now, but I have a 64 bit system and over 7 GB of available RAM, so I don't know what's causing this. I tried allocating more RAM and then launching, or reducing the RAM, no dice.
5. I've enabled Vertical Sync and Triple buffering to be on. 
6. I've deleted the .minecraft Roaming folder, uninstalling Minceraft, uninstalling Java, turning my computer off and then installing everything again off the top.

I just don't understand what I did on my end that causes this error. I didn't do anything before the launcher just stopped working (didn't have any computer updates or anything), just suddenly it doesn't launch at all anymore. I have spent over 6 hours trying to fix this with no luck. I don't know how to get any help on this, nor do I have any hope of anybody replying to this. It's just a last ditch effort, so I'm probably just yelling into the void here.

I've attached the error log below. If you see this, I would appreciate any suggestions. 

Update: I tried re-installing my video card driver and forcing sysdm.cpl to create mini-dumps. I'm playing Vanilla Minecraft here- I don't have any mods installed, I'm just trying to play a world, any world at this point. Is there really no other way to get help?