If I add my friends gamer tag it allows me to select friend or favourite, but there is no ok button or similar.  My friend added me, and sees me in fee friend list but I don’t see anything. She is on iPad and I am iPhone.  Same Minecraft version.  She has Realms server and has sent me the join code but it is 1 char longer that the iPhone Minecraft will accept.

we are on the same wifi

i have spent many hours and tried every conceivable option

i would have preferred to post this issue on a help forum but could not find one